When I was younger, I had this dream of exactly where my first kiss would happen: in a perfect little white gazebo with Christmas lights brightening it up. I wish that I could say that this came true, but it definitely did not.
Each year that went by, I let this desire grow. As a teenager, it seemed ideal. As a college student, it seemed pretty perfect that I had waited so long and that it would happen where I always wanted it to. As a young woman in my 20s, I continued to let my fairy tale grow, but I think that part of me knew that it wasn’t going to happen exactly as I’d always hoped.
Instead, that long-awaited lip-lock moment happened at a local track after an event in which some of the people I knew in the running community had participated. But, to me, on that stuffy summer evening in Texas, it felt like such an ideal moment at the time, even though it was nowhere near anything I had conjured up in my imaginative mind.
I had waited more than 27 years for that kiss (yes, I didn’t have my first kiss until that age, and no, I haven’t been kissed since that time nearly six years ago), and it was very special to me. My hopes soared at the possibility of this guy being the guy I had waited for to come along and take me by the hand to be forever his. Sadly, that wasn’t how the story ended, and it actually resulted in a heartache that I’ve (thankfully) gotten over at this point. Even though that guy hurt me, and I don’t have any feelings for him anymore or ever really think about him, that kiss is something that will always be a significant moment in my life.
Because every kiss matters.
Now, I know this might not always seem true if you play games like spin the bottle (do people still do that??) or whatever, but I believe that all kisses have (or at least should have) meaning. They’re important. They’re sacred. They’re special. A kiss is a moment you share with another person, and it can often be a piece of your heart that you’re giving away.
Kisses also sometimes lead to more than kissing, and if kisses are sacred and special, think of how much more sacred and special those stronger intimate moments are.
I’m going to be honest with you about something: Even though that first kiss of mine is a cherished memory, there are times when I honestly wish it had never happened. I know that your first kiss won’t always be with the person you end up with forever, but I guess that I was sort of hoping it would be—or at least that the guy who kissed me wouldn’t turn out to be someone who really didn’t care about me at all.
By this point in the story, you’ve probably realized that I’m also a virgin, and that’s something that I’m not ashamed to admit. For me, my virginity is now something that I protect and something that I’m definitely not going to give away to someone who is only going to walk away. I know that sex is often treated as something more casual in today’s society than it used to be in the past, but it’s still something that’s special. I believe that sex is something that’s meant to be shared between a husband and a wife, though I’m not trying to preach to or condemn anyone who feels differently.
What I do want to remind you of, though, is that you are worth more than a moment of passion, and you deserve to know that you matter and that you are enough. That truth can often get lost in kissing and sex because, as women, we tend to let our hearts do the thinking. That’s not a bad thing, but it’s something that makes it hurt a lot more when we give pieces of our hearts away without, in return, filling those missing pieces with the love and pieces of the hearts of the guys we love.
It’s never easy to go through a broken heart, especially when you’ve given yourself emotionally and physically to someone—whether that’s through a simple kiss or more. I think that’s part of why people frequently remind young women to guard their hearts because, while our hearts are one of the strongest parts of us, they can also be extremely fragile.
We all make our own choices in life, and sometimes we don’t really have time to think about them much (or we choose not to) when we’re in moments in which our desires take over completely. Just remember that you are valuable, and what you have to give runs much deeper than anything physical.
Every kiss and every intimate moment matter because you matter.