10 Ways You’ll Know You’ve Found “the One”

10 ways you'll know you've found the one. Couple on the beach.Everybody’s version of “the one” is different. Your right person won’t be the same as another’s, but these tips can help you know what to look for in a partner.

1. Conversation comes easy.

When you find the right person, conversation is easy—it’s not just a chick flick trope! Sure, it might be awkward at first (like all first dates and initial moments with crushes can be), but when you find the right person, you’ll have just enough things in common for the conversation to naturally flow. It doesn’t feel forced like it can when you’re with someone who’s wrong for you.

2. You won’t want to play games.

I didn’t necessarily “play games” when I was single, but when I was with the wrong person, I tended to find myself wanting to see how far I could push the envelope on certain things. What happens if I don’t text him back right away? Will he be concerned? What happens if I tell him he doesn’t text me enough? Will he step up? These are thoughts I did not want to see played out when I began dating my now-husband. I didn’t want to push any boundaries, and I didn’t want to see how far I could push before he pulled away—because I didn’t want to risk him pulling away. Maybe I just matured, but I think, really, he was just the first person I knew I couldn’t risk losing. With the others, I wanted to see if I could lose them in order to see if they were the one, but when I met the one, it wasn’t even worth the risk to check.

3. You can hang out doing separate things and still be totally happy.

At the beginning of a relationship, it’s normal to want to do everything together, but a relationship becomes really strong when you can be completely comfortable in silence or doing separate things. Sometimes it’s nice just to know the other person is in the same room as you—even if he’s playing video games, and you’re catching up on The Bachelorette.

4. You may have separate interests, but you still support one another.

You don’t have to have the same passions—though I do think having the same values and belief systems is incredibly important—but love means you support one another’s passions. You don’t have to be in the same clubs or in the same professions, but you still root for each other and care about each other’s accomplishments and failures in these areas.

5. You have fun together doing absolutely nothing.

It’s easy to see why people on shows like The Bachelor fall in love so easily when they’re off on grand adventures, but you know you’ve found the one when you can have fun with him doing mundane tasks like grocery shopping or even doing absolutely nothing. That’s true love.

6. You feel like you are enough as you are.

When you’re with the right person, you never question if you’re enough for him. Sure, you want to better yourself, but the way he treats you assures you that you are all he needs in a partner. You’re confident in that. You’re safe in that.

7. All of your future plans include him.

When you’ve found the one, all of your future plans slowly start to change as you add him into the equation. Eventually, you can’t picture a future without him.

8. Hard times aren’t all that bad.

When you’re with the right person, hard times won’t drive you apart but, instead, strengthen you. You can lean on each other, and in the words of Taylor Swift, you can trust that he’s going to be there even “when it’s hard, or it’s wrong, or you’re making mistakes.”

9. You want to be a better person.

As mentioned in No. 6, the right person makes you a better person. You work on improving your not-so-nice traits. You try to be the best partner you can be. This includes always looking for ways to serve the other person. It could be simple tasks like taking over one of his chores when he’s having a rough day or sacrificing time to go see a band he likes (and you maybe don’t) perform.

10. You love with understanding and forgiveness.

Nobody is perfect. Even “the one” will not be perfect—he’s a human being, after all. You know you’re with the right person when you can see past those imperfections, when you love unconditionally, and when you know forgiveness comes before being right.

 

Girls Can Ask Guys Out, Too


We live in a society in which women are constantly seeking more opportunities and taking progressive steps in a number of areas—including in the dating world.

While the traditional expectations were for men to pursue women and eventually ask them out, times and standards have certainly changed. Sure, there’s nothing wrong with letting guys still be the pursuers (and they should pursue you), but it’s also perfectly fine for women to be the ones to ask the guys out, too.

It can definitely be beyond scary to stand in front of the guy you have feelings for and risk your pride and face the possibility of rejection as you muster up the gusto to get the words out of your mouth. You could walk away with a heart full of lovey-eyed emojis or with that same heart shattered into a thousand tiny little pieces.

I’ll never forget the first time I worked up the nerve to ask a guy out. I was terrified at the thought of it. But then I thought about Taylor Swift’s Fearless album (one of the greatest gifts to mankind) and her quote about fearless meaning to be afraid but to jump, anyway. I decided that I needed to jump—I needed to ask him out.

I did, and it turned out that he had a girlfriend, so I walked away with that heartache feeling. But you know what? To this day, I will never regret that moment in my life. In fact, I’ll always be proud of it. I see that moment in my life as a huge growth point for me. I did something bold, and it felt really good to be honest about my feelings with someone who needed to hear them.

I don’t recommend asking out a guy who already has a girlfriend, but I didn’t know that he did. (That’s a story in itself—he had never mentioned her, and we spent a good amount of time together.) But if you’re interested in a guy who you think is interested in you, too, why not take a chance and ask him out? Why do guys always have to be the ones to work up the nerve to risk rejection? It’s probably not always easy for them, either.

No, it might not work out how you dream in your head, but it also might. You’ll never know unless you actually go for it. You don’t have to wait for the guy to be the first one to take a chance—you can be the one to jump first, sister.

Don’t ever let fear hold you back from doing the brave things your heart really wants to do, even when those things scare the heck out of you and make you sweat more than an hour in hot yoga. You’re worth the risk.

And who knows? Maybe he is, too.

Just Friends: Don’t Lead People On

My Post (23)I write the following words with conviction, as it’s something I’ve done. It’s something most of us have done.

You’re young; you worry about feeling loved and attractive. Will anybody ever like me? you think. And then someone does—only it’s not whom you wanted.

You let him down easy, or maybe you avoid letting him know how you feel at all, while still remaining friends, texting, and hanging out.

You may not even realize you’re doing it, but you might be leading him on. You might have unconsciously created a safety net—a guy you can hang on to in case you eventually decide you like him back.

Don’t get me wrong, guys do this, too. This is not a cruelty exclusive to girls, but it’s important that we recognize that we have the power to hurt guys as much as they have the power to hurt us. Sometimes in the midst of emotions and heartaches, it’s easy to get so lost in your own feelings that you forget about others’.

When I was young, I made that mistake. I knew that a guy friend had feelings for me—or at least had at one time—and, yes, I had told him I liked someone else, but I still did not put up enough boundaries. Under the premise of being “close friends,” I essentially allowed us to create a boyfriend-girlfriend relationship emotionally. We texted constantly. We hung out all of the time. All while he watched me pine for other guys.

Obviously, he could have created distance if he needed to, but I still think I had a responsibility there.

Later, when I actually did start dating someone, I essentially had to “break up” with him, as that boyfriend did not appreciate the constant texting between myself and the friend. You know why? Because he recognized what I didn’t at the time. It was COMPLETELY unhealthy and inappropriate.

And you know what else? It made what once was a meaningful friendship feel weird and distant. Listen, somewhere there is most definitely a middle ground where guys and girls CAN be just friends. I’m not one to necessarily preach on what that looks like, but I can tell you that you’ll know when you may need to set up some boundaries to spare either his or your feelings.

Don’t get so lost in your own feelings that you forget to look out for someone else’s. While it’s important to guard your own heart and protect it from heartbreak, it’s just as important that you recognize when you can harm someone else’s heart.

Preserve your friendships. Preserve others’ hearts.

It’s what you yourself would want.

In Love with the Idea of Love

My Post (8)When I was younger, around the age of 13, I thought I would never get a boyfriend.

At 13, every boy I had liked hadn’t liked me back. I was devastated. What was wrong with me? Was my hair too curly? Too frizzy? Was I still carrying too much puberty weight? Was it my acne? Did I smell? Was I not funny?

I’ll never know the answers to those questions, but what I do know now at 24 is that I’m glad I didn’t have a boyfriend at that age. I wouldn’t have been ready.

When I eventually did get my first boyfriend at 14 years old, I was still too young. I know I was too young because I focused too much on what it meant to have a boyfriend rather than how I was actually feeling about the situation.

I was so happy that someone who seemed popular and cute could possibly show any interest in me. It felt like a movie or a Taylor Swift song. I was over the moon. But, about a month in, it should have become clear to me that the boy, while seemingly great on paper, was not actually a good fit for me, and I was not ready for a boyfriend.

The first time he tried to kiss me, I expertly (awkwardly, more like) maneuvered my face away. At a school dance, I didn’t want to dance with him because I felt awkward. After more time passed, I started leaving my phone in other rooms so that I would have an excuse not to reply to his texts. I began to get embarrassed when he hung out with my friends because their senses of humor just didn’t match.

I even started crushing on other guys. At that point, I began to realize maybe this wasn’t what a relationship should feel like. But then I would talk myself out of it. After all, you can still find other people cute even though you’re in a relationship, right? The mature thing, I thought, would be to ignore it and stay with the guy I was with.

Sage advice from my 14-year-old self but not applicable to the situation. If you’re having more fun talking to another guy than your boyfriend (whom you’ve only been dating a month), and you’re embarrassed by things he says, and you actively avoid affection from him, then yes, in that case, you should break up. I thought I was being mature, but it was actually a sign of my immaturity that I ignored my feelings in order to keep the status of “in a relationship.”

After a while, I finally did break up with him, but we stayed in an “on-again, off-again” relationship for a while longer (due to my immaturity and people-pleasing nature) until he finally dumped me, ending the cycle. He finally saw what I had been seeing since the beginning. We were not a good fit for one another. Not at all.

And you know what was the most telling moment? It wasn’t my constant avoidance of his affection. It wasn’t my cringe when he told jokes to my friends. It was a moment we had on a date when he asked me one simple question: “What are you thinking about?”

We were sitting on a bench, looking out at some trees. I had been quiet. That day was actually one of the few happy days I had with him. Probably because we were doing something outdoorsy. I had a brief glimpse of what a good relationship should actually look like. I was reflecting on the joy I felt and how nice it was to be cared about by another human being (other than family members or friends).

But at that moment, I was having a rather random, silly thought. I was thinking about what we would do if a bear suddenly appeared and started climbing one of the trees near us. It was such a silly thing, but I remember I didn’t want to tell him that. It was too silly, too weird, too specific. He would think I was so odd.

“Nothing,” I said, instead.

Ladies, that silly, silly thought is the type of thing I would now get a kick out of sharing with my husband. That’s the exact type of silliness he would completely understand and relate to. Those are the types of ridiculous things half of our conversations are made up of.

That was when I knew my husband was the guy for me—when I realized those random thoughts were not only things I wouldn’t mind sharing with him but were the things I would go out of my way to share with him.

Don’t be so in love with the idea of love that you would settle for telling someone “nothing” because you’re too embarrassed to share your thoughts with him. Wait for that person who excites you to share your silliest thoughts with. Don’t waste your time, and don’t waste someone else’s. It’s not fair to either of you.

You both deserve so much more.





 

Up ↑